Vigilante Sports

And they weren’t even Red Sox fans. Well, there were a bunch of those too. But I’d like to concentrate on the group of high school dopes that were sitting behind my wife and I as we took in the rubber game of the Red Sox series on Wednesday.

This guy was screaming so loudly that my ears were literally ringing. I don’t mind loud fans, what I do mind is ignorant “fans”. This guy was going on about how Ichiro sucked, and didn’t deserve his paycheck, and that he doesn’t contribute to the team, blah, blah, blah. I didn’t have the heart to break it to this loud-mouthed young man, that Ichiro was the best player on the Mariners… by far, and a future Hall of Famer. And while no one really “deserves” $16 million to play a game, there’s such a thing as market economics, which I’m sure he’ll fail, should he ever make it to college.

All at the same time, it got worse, but it also got better. One of the shining moments in the game was when he and his mush-brained buddies stepped out to grab some ice cream (which he proceeded to slurp down in my ear). So we, and the people around us got a little reprieve from his idiocy. But, as they always do, they came back. Wiping the tear from my eye (and wishing for industrial-sized ear plugs), we braced for the final 3 innings.

The cherry on top of the slurped sundae for me was in the top of the 8th inning after Erik Bedard had been replaced  by Brandon Morrow. First the dope started screaming about the Dallas Stars. I’m not a hockey guy, but apparently the Dallas Stars captain is Brenden Morrow. The Screamer seemed really excited by this cross-sport name similarity. Stunning really. So following this achievement in heckling your own team about a guy who has a similar name, but plays a different sport, he starts chanting “Let’s go Erik! Let’s go Erik!” I, of course, try to restrain myself, but can’t help laughing. My wonderful, beautiful, brilliant wife turns to him with her angelic (albeit cheeky) grin and says “That’s not even who’s pitching anymore.” Oh the pride. Oh the love.  Words really cannot express the flutter and joy of my heart. The sweetest woman in the world just shut down this dope so few words. His response, “I’m an idiot.” Truer words have never been spoken, my friend. Truer words have never been spoken.

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 29th, 2008 at 9:28 am and is filed under Baseball, Seattle Mariners. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.